with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
