My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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