I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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