Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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