how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There are leaves in my underwear?
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