I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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