am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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