My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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