I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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