A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
