Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
