At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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