we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
