new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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