So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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