i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
