so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
