the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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