Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
