Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
