I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
