it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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