I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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