i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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