it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
