and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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