Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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