My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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