The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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