My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
