i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
