White coat. Heels.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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