I just threw up on my dentist
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
