it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
