my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
