It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
