my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
