I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
