my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
