he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
