scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
did i walk over a car last night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
