wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
