You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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