I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
