I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
