OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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