6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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