I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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