Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
