btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
