Buhtt sex?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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