Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
