If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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