No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
