1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think your dad took our porno
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
