We named our party play list daddy issues
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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