How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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